There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
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I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
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You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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