I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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