Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
