if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
