Your tits are I can't wait for
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
