bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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