True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
