can u get pink eye on your cock?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
