when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
