Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
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I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
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His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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