I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
