Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
The Olympian is in my bed
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
