i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
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