you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
