do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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