forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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