you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
