i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
