Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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