There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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