we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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