And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
