my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
