so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Randomize
