Already got asked if we're dating
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
