hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
