I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
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for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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