We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
