you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
