So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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