Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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