My room smells like vodka and shame
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
