I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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