first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
