i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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