I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
