he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
there is glitter all over my balls
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
