I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
