I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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