Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
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You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
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I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
how drunk are you?
Several
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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