she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
