This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
