Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
wat bout pragnant strippers??
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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