OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
