a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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