We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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