i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
