Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
