I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
