Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
