I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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