Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
