it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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