It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
