as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
