I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
