What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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