just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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