I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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