There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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