You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
