We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
