Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
