yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
