did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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