You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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