WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
