i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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